haiku-usa: kites

Saturday, April 24, 2010

kites in the wind

kids on the beach

waving their arms

Revision of an entry in the Caribbean Kigo Kukai April 2020

Monika said...: Yes ! A wonderful instant of spring !; 11:41 AM
Karol Rosiak said...: Good one, Bill.; 12:32 PM
Bill said...: Thanks, Monika and Karol.; 8:24 PM
John McDonald said...: wonderful movement Bill
john; 6:26 AM
Bill said...: Thanks, John. Movement is what it's all about.; 9:47 AM
bandit said...: so simple...; 3:57 PM
Magyar said...: Nicely shown, Bill._m; 3:30 AM
Tikkis said...: I mentioned this new version in my blog: http://juhanitikkanen.blogspot.com/2010/04/haikukaantamisen-tavu-anarkiaa.html

This new version is slighty different; leaves something more open and therefore more intesting;
I still have something in my mind to write a three-liner for this...; 1:25 AM
Nicole Hyde said...: Love this, Bill! The image is so vivid and delightful.; 8:21 AM
Bill said...: Thanks, Willie, Doug, Tikkis, Nicole. In fact this was the first draft. Then, in a classic case of getting in my own way, I revised, making it wordier in the process, because I thought I wanted to avoid the repetitious rhythm.

/xx/
/xx/
/xx/

I've since realized that that repetition is just what I want.

The revised, less repetitious, wordier, less focused version:

kites in the wind
children run along the beach
waving their arms; 3:12 PM

haiku-usa